


Commentary on Pacific Rim(2013)

by MyrnaMaeve



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Feels, Gen, Pacific Rim Spoilers, Sarcasm, edited for punctuation and readability, mentions of things from other fandoms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 17:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3737749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyrnaMaeve/pseuds/MyrnaMaeve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Commentary on Pacific Rim(2013)

Kaiju and Jaeger. Foreign words, yes. Good job, movie.

So, the kaiju are alien monsters from another dimension that came through the Breach. Okay.

“to fight monsters, we created monsters of our own”

drift compatibility

[epic music plays]

the deeper the bond, the better you fight

welp, protagonist's brother died. cue agonized screaming

and now we finally get the “opening credits”

No, Seattle!

NO, SIDNEY! AUSTRALIA!

So much collateral damage... no wonder the government wants to shut it down.

“all the other mark 3 pilots are dead”

“so where would you rather die? here, or in a Jaeger?”

“only my mother calls me doctor”

[snicker] kaiju groupie

jesus dicks that's a ton of calculations

oh, holoscreens. nice 

wait, what. they're clones. are you saying they're monster clone troopers

“fortune favors the brave, dude”

ah, so this asian chick is the love interest

oh, her family was killed by a kaiju. or at least, that's implied

look at this asshole i can't believe him what a fucking dick

so much UST....

jeez marshall you're being cagey as fuck and kind of dickish

crazy science guy, your gonna get yourself killed  
jegus someone stop hi- oops too late

oh right, crazy science guy's name is newton

oh I like these uniforms. much sleek such sexy

newton you dipshit you almost died you can't die you're like my favorite character besides badass chick

marshall are you fucking nuts he's already half fucking dead from the first drift with the kaiju you can't make him do it again

MAKO!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus fucking christ this is what marshall was afraid of wasn't it

oh shit oh shit oh shit OH SHIT oh it looks like a crab hey karkat is this crabdad

shit shit shit shit shit SHIT

oh cool

oh shiny gold shoes

yelling yelling yelling

oh look it's dick face again

FIGH T FHIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

[*FIGHT]

oh, poor mako...

oh, so marshall was one of the first Jaeger pilots  
…  
he looks kind of hot

1, don't you ever touch me again. 2, don't you ever touch me again

well shit, here comes trouble

I didn't realize a Jaeger could have three pilots

oh newton... you gullible naïve moron... see, Hannibal agrees with me, and he probably knows something we both don't

wait,... kaiju have a hive mind.... NEWTON YOU GODDAMN MORON

one Jaeger down... two Jaegers down... let's get a full three, shall we?

Damn there go the Russians... I kind of liked them...

and three for three, plus an EMP  
damn

and the ragtag team are the only hope

I hope you make it out alive newton... you amuse me

haha dipshit

damn that’s a strong fucking kaiju

and a one two, one two, one two PUNCH

ah, look at all the beautiful destruction

I want a plasma cannon

there is no such thing as overkill

dammit newton don't die on me I swear to gog  
ah fuck

aw yeah, boat bat  
smash that kaiju

here kaiju kaiju... where are you...

sudden headcanon: moirails are (usually) super drift compatible

ah there’s the kaiju

[epic hero music plays]

oh shit it can fly

sweet sword

NICE

BOOOOOOOM

damn newton you've got balls ill give you that

shit Marshall, are you dying you better not be dying

oh shit oh shit oh shit  
KAIJU CAN BE PREGNANT MOTHERFUCK

[intense screaming]

NBEWTON MOVE YIYOR FUCJKDHIN ASS DO NT DIE  
[Tranlsation: NEWTON MOVE YOUR FUCKING ASS DO NOT DIE]

GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM IT RIGHT NOW YOU DUMB ASS

and Hannibal eats his just deserts  
NOEW RUNT HE FUCK AWAU NEWTON  
[Translation: NOW RUN THE FUCK AWAY NEWTON]

and all that was left was a gold toed shoe  
rip Hannibal  
NOT

ah radiation sickness  
that sucks   
so that’s why you retired Marshall

aw how sweet. I ship newton and other science guy as moirails

but still, DAMMIT NEWTON HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN DRIFTING IS A TWO WAY STREET

DFUCK MARSHALL NO YOULL DIE YOU CANT DIE YOUR PRECOIUS  
[*FUCK, YOU'LL, CAN'T, PRECIOUS]

look at these adorable badasses having a tenderly family moment aw

cue motivational speech

today we are canceling the apocalypse

[epic inspirational music plays]

precious bonding moment between jerkass and his partner  
oh the partner is his father

“initiating neural handshake”

convenient toilet placement

well fuck

oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck something bad's gonna happen I know it

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUKF FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK  
[*FUCK]

NO NO NON ONONONON ONO NNINEN NON NYET NON NONON ONONONONO  
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK  
[Translation: NO NO NON NO NO NO NO NON NIEN NON NYET NON NO NO NO NO NO NO NO FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK]

AWESOME!!!!!!

NOT AWEOSM FUCK FUCK NO NO CUFK NO FUCK FKUC FUKC  
[*AWESOME, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK]

AWEEEEE PRECIOUS BABIES I LOVE YOU

aw fuck suicide mission motherfuck [SOBS INTENSELY]

[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYS INTESELY]

oh pretty lights

[dramatic music plays]

get out of there get out of there get out of there get out of there GET OUT OF THERE

YES HE'S OUT OF THERE THANK FUCK

BIG KABOOM

c'mon don't be dead don't be dead don't be dead DON'T BE DEAD

DAMMIT YOU CAN'T BE DEAD

HE LIVES!!!!!!!!

now kiss- hugging is okay too.


End file.
